You Are Strong

I know that everyone is different.

I know that things that might work for a person, doesn't necessarily work for another person.

This including the "you are strong" encouragement, that doesn't really applicable for me. I know it might work for someone else, including you, but personally it's difficult for me to implement it. It's not that I rebuke if a person say that to me. I really know that they mean well, and it's nothing but a good encouragement. And I really appreciate anyone who say that to me.

You know why it's difficult for me? Since in the past, I heavily relied on me, myself, and I. Every hardship, every difficulties, I relied on my capabilities, skills, and toughness to overcome. Until one time, I encountered a problem, that might be look simple for others persons, but for me it's pretty difficult. I was extremely devastated, frustrated. I was, depressed.

I always thought if I tried very hard, gave it all I had, I could overcome it. That's the thing that I always believed. 

Some people said keep trying, and I could do it all. I had the power in me. But for me, it's exhausting. 

Then, at one moment, I surrendered everything to Allah. He is the one who strong. He is the one who capable. He's the Almighty. Lahaula walaquwwata Illabillah. "There is no power nor strength except by Allah."

That doesn't mean that I'm not trying. That doesn't mean that I'm only praying. I should, even must, try hard, pretty hard. But at the same time, I should know that there are things that I can't control. And the thing that I want, the thing that I want, doesn't always imply the thing is good for me. Based on my small, insufficient, knowledge, I do think it's good for me. Bu the truth is, I don't know.

By surrendering to Allah, I know, and believe, that He, Yang Paling Pengasih dari segala yang pengasih, Yang Paling Penyayang dari segala yang penyayang, yang Paling Kuat dari segala yang kuat, would choose The Best for me.

And yes, I'm not strong at all. But I have Allah, The Almighty.